At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
