we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
