i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
