Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
