i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
