Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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