You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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