Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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