He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
