she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
