East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
These tits shall not be calmed
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
