He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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