I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
