is your mom at the bar?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
