Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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