he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Let's paint friendship bongs
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
