i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
