...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
