I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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