Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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