I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
