One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
