You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
