Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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