Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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