at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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