worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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