Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
