Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
