non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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