No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
