Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
