Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
