TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
