my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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