So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
