So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
