Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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