Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
