He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
