that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
