is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Green mimosas i think yes
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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