Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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