You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
