i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
