I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
