Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
