I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
