Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
