she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
