I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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